Connecting with your long-distance loved one who has Alzheimer’s disease
Being a caregiver for a parent with Alzheimer’s disease from a long distance away can be an experience fraught with emotion. Guilt, helplessness, frustration and grief are some of the common feelings that come with the territory. There are many, many of us out there in the same boat. 
Here’s an idea shared by Marguerite Manteau-Rao, LCSW, that can make a big difference for both you and your parent. She discovered in her own long-distance relationship with her mother that short, daily phone calls mean a lot to both of them. Here are her tips for making it work.
- It is better to have daily contact, even if it’s short and by phone than to have a long visit infrequently. Establishing that connection can carry throughout the rest of the day.
- Try to call at around the same time each day. People with Alzheimer’s often have a sensitive internal clock, and routine is very meaningful to them. The more consistent you can be with this, the better.
- The essential thing about the call is that you are fully present. Manteau-Rao says it almost doesn’t matter what you say or talk about, but that you are there. She suggests a quick preparation before you make the call. Free your mind, fill up your heart with loving thoughts, and visualize your loved one’s face before you pick up the phone. Sit down while you talk and turn off the distractions – it’s just going to be a short call. Each time you call, treat it as a brand new conversation, regardless of how repetitive it seems.
- “Pack your talk with emotional goodies.” Keep it simple, talk about good news, and stick to comfortable topics. Finish with a declaration of your love and an assurance of connecting the next time.
- Especially for loved ones with Alzheimer’s, say things that leave a positive impression. They probably won’t remember the content of what you say, but they could recall the emotion. The basics are what are important. That you love them and care for them, and that you are a constant in their life.
Small things mean so much. The key to this is the frequency, as well as the predictability and the quality of the bond that is created.
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